My Anchor

What is my most prized possession? To be honest, I don’t have one. I bought my bed, which I was extremely proud of because “twenty one year olds don’t buy beds” was what I told myself at the time. Let’s see, what else…OH I’m pretty fond of my hair products, but then again those can all be replaced with a quick trip to my local beauty supply. There is nothing that I own that if ripped from my hands tomorrow, or the day after, or ten years from now would cause me any amount of angst. I do however have memories that I cherish which are near and dear to my heart.

The other day, a friend and I were talking about things we used to do, and the conversation included stories from our, well my childhood. At the end of our stroll down memory lane, I sat back in my chair and said,”I loved my childhood.” My childhood was hands down the best time of my life. Now I understand that I am still very young but up until I was around ten or eleven years old, life was bliss. Ignorant…maybe, but bliss nonetheless. Now honestly and realistically speaking growing up wasn’t perfect, but I had an amazing sense of perspective as a child.

Family is extremely important to me and when I was a child it seemed to be important to everyone around me as well. This may not have been reality, but as I said, some of my bliss may have been youthfully ignorant. My aunt was and always has been the glue, in my eyes, to my family and her house was open to everybody. Her’s was the house where the door was never locked and you came and went as you pleased.773, the house in the city with two giant pine trees in the front yard with a cherry tree and grapevine in the backyard (where they do that at);this house was my oasis. Holidays and birthdays were celebrated here, deaths mourned here;impromptu violin recitals I performed here, my family was here. I think it is safe to say that growing up, my cousins and I probably spent more time at this house than we did at our own, not to mention that we all lived here at one time or another. I don’t remember the dates, but at one point my mother,my sister and I, my cousin with her four children and my grandmother were all living together with my aunt in this oasis. Sure this was rough at times ,which I think goes without saying when you live with anyone, but I loved it! Continue reading “My Anchor”

Be Brief

We gathered ten of us, two cars off to see the big movie that had come out this weekend. Waiting in line there’s no safe place to rest my eyes. The fourteen year old boy to the left is trying to save his fourteen year old girlfriend with his tongue; the woman to the right is trying to get her unruly children under control. They look like screamers and I’m wondering why she even has them out at this time. Whatever, back to my friends.  What is it with people and these sci-fi, end of the world, band together movies? I have to pay twelve dollars for this crap? Sigh. She stands next to me and whispers in my ear, “Don’t wanna see this do you?”  “Not at all”, I reply. I look her up and down; she’s great you know. Tall, she has a dimple in one cheek, and she tends to bite her lips either nervously or just out of habit I’m not sure. She has great lips. We decide to split off from the group, see a comedy. Did I mention she’s funny? Our movie doesn’t start for twenty minutes so we’re in the dim lit theater laughing and discussing the week’s events. She slaps my thigh as she laughs, oh God. She ignores her phone three times, I don’t get why she’s even with her. She doesn’t see what I see in her. Doesn’t get her humor or believe in her vision, her… oh thank God, the movie is starting. The movie is over. We walk to the parking lot; our friends will be out soon. Leaning against her black Ford Expedition, small talk and a blunt but the conversation takes a turn. My back against the car, her hand on my waist, face inches from mine. Our friends will be out soon.

Writing 101: Serially Lost

The challenge for today was to write about something or someone that was once part of my life, and isn’t anymore. I have faced losses that fall in varies places along the richter scale, however I prefer not to delve into the deep darkness of it all. Ever. I think I’m more of a suffer in silence type of gyal. The loss I’m writing about below is not deep or dark, and it didn’t change the way I view the world but it’s a huge loss nonetheless!

Remember the pterodactyl *side note who knew “pterodactyl” started with a P? I didn’t* from the movie The Land before Time, Petri? Well, that is the something that was part of my life, and isn’t anymore.  Let me explain. When I was a child, I got this amazing stuffed animal. He was a yellow/green color, was ohh so soft, and when you squeezed him, he made a noise. This stuffed animal was my dear Petri. I honestly don’t remember a time where I didn’t have him, like I don’t remember life before Petri. Everything started making sense once he came into my life. I was maybe three or four years old when he was gifted to me and from that day on, I only had eyes for him. No stuffed animal could hold a figurative candle to Petri. My mom told me that one time we were going out of town, and while in the car I yelled from the backseat, “Where’s Petri?” to which my father calmly responded “We must have left it at the house.” Who the fuck is it, you mean he? Anyway, I lost it. According to mi madre I started screaming, “WE GOTTA GET PETRI!!! WE GOTTA GET PETRI!!” and sure enough we turned around and headed back to get my beloved. As I said, I got him when I was about three or four years old and I saw him last when I was twenty. I have no idea what happened to him either, so there is no closer! He was a big deal people, huge! I sucked my thumb growing up and I also did something in conjunction to thumb sucking…pressing. I know a lot of people who sucked their thumb however I’ve never met anyone that pressed. Whenever I would mention pressing, they would hit me with the deer in the head lights look, so I’ll explain.  Pressing is really just that, pressing. I would press stuff literally, more specifically Petri, my fingers and my mother. Don’t judge my life. Every night it was Petri, my thumb, and I. I don’t know what happened to Petri, but I do know who happened to him. I believe he was violated although the where, why, and how remain a mystery. Scratch that, I know the why.

I’m legally an adult and I still wish I had him with me.

Michael Jackson said it best:

“Born to amuse, to inspire, to delight

Here one day, gone one night

Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon

Gone too soon, gone too soon”

Petri meets Little Foot & Ducky

Writing 101: Assignment- Commit to writing/ 3 Songs

I am participating in this Writing 101 that WordPress offers and this is the third assignment I believe. I did the first one and chose not to post it (didn’t have the balls for that lol), but here is the third.

The assignment was to pick three songs that are significant to me and write about them for 15 minutes. Not gonna lie, this was more like 20 minutes but I am still surprised by how much I got in that amount of time. Here it is…

Oceans (Where Feet May Fail) by Hillsong:

Earlier this year, I was going through a lot of things and I felt so alone in it all. I’m not the best communicator, I don’t lean on shoulders, I  get leaned on (which I am ok with). Faith is an area that I have always struggled in mainly because I tend to be a bit of a realist. I look at situations as they are and think of the most realistic outcomes. Faith though, makes us certain of realities we do not see. As I said, I was going through a bunch of different things, and I was talking to my sister about it and at the end of the conversation she text me some scriptures and told me to listen to this song. Every time I hear Oceans, I either cry, or I’m close to it. It’s not that I don’t have faith, I struggle with it, and this song reaffirms things that I already know but tend to forget. No matter how alone I feel, and even when I feel overwhelmed and discouraged God is and always has been right there with me. It may sound generic but it’s not. Without going off on a huge tangent, just know that for me it’s a big deal and I need constant reminders.

“Your grace abounds in deepest waters/Your sovereign hand will be my guide/Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me/You’ve never failed, and You won’t start now”

“Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders …”

Continue reading “Writing 101: Assignment- Commit to writing/ 3 Songs”

Lord be a fall day!

Is anyone else over summer? I know most people can’t wait for the summer months, it’s their favorite time of year! The sunshine, the heat, no school; sounds like a dream. My brain works differently I guess. I don’t like the heat and prolonged hours of sunshine contribute to heat. Plus, the fact that the youth aren’t obligated to be somewhere Monday through Friday is nothing short of annoying. That being said, my favorite season is FALL!!! Spring takes a close second with winter and summer not even placing. I’m that person that will complain about the cold and snow in the winter, and the heat and humidity in the summer. So after countless days of disrespectful ninety plus degree heat/humidity, fall is approaching and I couldn’t be more excited! Bring on the layers, boots, and cable knit sweaters; the seasonal drinks at Starbucks and Halloween. The only thing missing from fall is my birth, which I get. The universe could only take so many amazing things in one season so it had to be spread out. September 23rd, September 23rd…and that is what keeps me going.

Continue reading “Lord be a fall day!”

Spring 2015 Fashion

We are not yet in the fall season, but designers are already hitting us with their lines for Spring 2015! New York Fashion Week kicked off at the Lincoln Center a few days ago where the “who’s who” of fashion royalty, buyers, celebrities, and designers gathered to see the collections for the spring season. I watched a few shows online, thanks to www.mbfashionweek.com, and, as I was watching, I couldn’t help but think that one day I might possibly be there getting a creative rush. To be surrounded by so many talented and creative individuals whose work I have admired for years would be a dream come true. One day. Patience is a virtue, I hear.

Continue reading “Spring 2015 Fashion”