Worst Fear

Nothing that I can touch scares me. Of course birds and anything else that flies will cause an arrhythmia in my chest, but those moments are fleeting. They come and go and to be honest I know the realistic-ness of those very real fears are little to none. Growing up I felt fear was a sign of weakness;as I got older, weakness a sign of fear. Today,I believe fear to be motivation. Perception is everything but when it comes to what I relate fear to be, some might consider acting due to fear to be a bad thing. Yes, people act out of fear… sometimes rather recklessly; there is blackmail, acting out of desperation or due to betrayal but there are two sides to every coin. For me, fear keeps me from being the one thing I fear most…mediocre.

Mediocrity is my worst fear, an unfortunate state of being that I can not even begin to wrap my head around partially because it can affect many areas of life and means different things.   I equate mediocrity to failing;not failing anyone else rather failing yourself. If you have allowed yourself to become completely immersed in a complacent mind set that no one, save for Beyonce, deserves to find solace in, you may find yourself in the mediocre category. Far too many fall into the trap of complacency ,whether consciously or subconsciously, when living a life of routine. As a person who is a creature of habit, I live for routine. Knowing what is coming, when and how it’s coming make my movements throughout the day seamless and comfortable however, it also makes it easy to get caught up. In no way am I saying routines are bad, but if you are not in a place in life that you want to be, and you settle for a routine, that in no way can benefit you.

Fear of being decent or forgettable is part of the spark inside me that keeps me going. I will not settle for an easy life that does not challenge me and has no excitement,  only predictability thus rendering me useless to the world and my future children. I want to be great and greatness does not come with being expendable. I fear mediocrity because I know that directly affects everything I want to do in life in a negative way. I want to make an impact, change things about this universe and give back; being an ordinary citizen will not get me there.

Being mediocre means settling for whatever cards the universe has dealt me, it means when I’m told “No”,  I except it and never push back.

It means not taking responsibility & control of my life

It means when I fall off track I stay there.

Being mediocre means financial instability. It means throwing diligence and hard work out the window.

It means setting down my goals/dreams/aspirations and never picking them back up.

Being mediocre means having fleeting thoughts about wanting the stars and the moon but never doing anything to get them.

It means working in a field I fell into and living life on a day to day basis never considering what’s next.

Being mediocre means being forgettable and never being or giving my absolute best. Why wouldn’t I fear that?

 

 

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9 thoughts on “Worst Fear

  1. I really liked this. It was something I hadn’t thought about precisely, but something that has been a part of my life in the past. I write because I want to make a difference. Seems that’s also why you write. Keep going.

    Liked by 2 people

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